We all know that one person who loves to pull you into their business. They’ll call, text, or corner you to unload every detail of their drama. Then, after you sit there and give them your best advice, they either ignore it, get a second opinion that sounds better, or just keep doing what they were already doing. At some point, it’s like… why am I wasting my breath?
The thing is, not everybody is looking for a solution. Sometimes people just want to vent. They want the comfort of being heard, not the responsibility of making a change. I’ve been there too, asking for advice when I knew I only wanted to get things off my chest. But once I realized that, I knew not to keep circling back to the same person with the same issue. It gave me the ick, because I knew I sounded like I was just complaining, and I could picture them rolling their eyes the same way I would if the roles were reversed.
So I can sympathize with just wanting to be heard. I’ve definitely jumped in with advice nobody asked for more times than I can count. But you can’t keep bringing me the same problem, with no intention of fixing it. That’s when I get blunt or completely check out.
Listening once or twice is cool. That’s what friends, family, and having a support system are for. But when the same story comes around over and over and no steps are being taken, that’s not a conversation anymore, it’s a cycle. Cycles like that can drain people. Now their stress becomes my stress. I start adapting to their emotions and end up taking on their problems. A lot of times, I’m more invested than the person dealing with it in the first place.
At the end of the day, not every situation needs my two cents. I’ve learned that sometimes the smartest move is to just listen, nod, and keep it pushing. If they’re not trying to change, that’s their problem, not mine. If they don’t care to lighten the load they’re carrying, I’m not carrying it with them or for them.
But let’s be clear: even listening has a limit. My ears can only take so many reruns. Lately, it’s getting to the point where when certain names flash on my caller ID, I let it ring. I’ll circle back after a few hours, when the storm has calmed down… if I circle back at all. That’s not being mean, that’s self-preservation.
You can be fine with your peace being disrupted every day, but you don’t get the right to disrupt mine. I’m not ignoring because I don’t care, I’m protecting because I do care. Care about myself, my energy, and my sanity. At some point, the choice becomes simple: either you’re ready to do something about it, or you’re not. Don’t expect me to keep sacrificing my calm to sit in your chaos.
