There’s this contradiction a lot of us deal with. You look in the mirror and feel good about yourself, thinking, “Okay, I look nice today.” But the moment a camera comes out, you find yourself asking, “Who is that?” The confidence you had in the mirror disappears, and suddenly you’re questioning, “Do I really look like that? Is this how the world sees me?”
For me, that disconnect didn’t start with Instagram or TikTok. It started back in the Myspace era. I was out here with my little Nokia phone, uploading selfies to my computer and genuinely feeling myself. I used to post freely without a second thought. Then I stumbled onto those online editing sites. At first, it was just for fun, throwing in a star, a heart, or those glittery LunaPic sparkles. But it didn’t stop there. Soon I was brightening the lighting, slimming my body and smoothing my skin. What started as fun turned into a requirement. No photo went up untouched. It reached a point where I didn’t even care what the raw photo looked like, because I knew “editing day” would fix it. As a teenager, that sometimes meant avoiding meeting people I connected with online, since the version they saw in photos wasn’t the one they’d get in person. The thought crossed my mind: why not just stop editing? But when you’re young, it feels like “perfect” is better than “real.”
Here we are in 2025, and that old-school Myspace problem has multiplied immensely. It’s not just teenagers, it’s a mix of everyone. The filters are sharper, the apps are smarter, and the pressure is heavier. Even adults who swear they’re “all natural” still have that one app that magically smooths out their skin or adjusts their lighting.
Honestly, that’s part of why so many of us don’t feel photogenic. The phone tricks us. We compare ourselves not only to other people but to the edited version of us we’ve already created. The mirror shows us one thing, the photo shows another, and we start believing the photo must be the “truth.”
That disconnect doesn’t just live online; it creeps into real life. Last year I was at a Christmas party. A cousin I hadn’t seen in forever asked me to take a picture with them. My first instinct was to run. Instead, I smiled and said, “No, next time.” The truth? I couldn’t handle not knowing how the picture would look before it was posted. I missed a chance to capture a moment with my family because I was worried about the end result. That’s what this mindset does: it robs us of memories. We duck from cameras at parties, avoid group shots, or end up being the one always behind the lens. Fast-forward years later and the memories are there, but you’re not. Realistically, you can’t Photoshop yourself back into those moments.
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I have to say, the internet doesn’t make it easier. It’s quick to judge people for using filters, calling them fake, while ignoring how much beauty privilege and “natural photogenic” luck plays into things. Yeah, we should love ourselves. No, people shouldn’t catfish. However, if someone’s leaning on filters because they’re insecure, maybe the question isn’t, ‘Why are you fake?’ but rather, ‘Why do so many people feel like they’re not enough without them?’ But we rarely go there, because the internet loves a good roast more than it loves empathy.
I realized it wasn’t just strangers online tearing people down. A lot of us had learned to do the same to ourselves. I was no different. Days or even months later, I’d look back at those edited pictures and think, “Eww, why did I do that?” Then, I’d rush to archive or delete them. That’s when it became clear that the editing I really needed wasn’t about my photos, it was about my mindset. Instead of reshaping or brightening photos, I had to reshape the way I talked to myself. Honestly, that’s true for so many of us. If we don’t adjust the mental picture, no amount of touch-ups will ever feel like enough.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ll still throw on a filter sometimes. But changing my whole identity online? That’s not where I’m at anymore.
So, how do you start getting more comfortable being yourself online? A few things that helped me:
- Switch it up with video. Motion feels more natural than a stiff pose.
- Start fresh. Make a new account where nobody knows you and post the real you. Build confidence without the pressure.
- Focus on the memory, not your flaws or perfection. Ten years from now, nobody will care about your angle, they’ll care that you were there.
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Practice. Play with lighting, find your angles, get used to the real you.
At the end of the day, if you want to use a filter, do it. If you want to show up with your natural blemishes, do that. Do whatever makes you feel like yourself. Just don’t let the fear of how the world may see you change the way you see yourself. Authentic simply means to be genuine. So always be authentically yourself. That's the only edit that truly last.
