Have you ever finished a meal and noticed that somehow, a small amount of dirt or dipping sauce has spilled onto your clothes? It’s hardly noticeable, however you must wipe it off. Without putting any thought into it, you wet a napkin and start scrubbing. After a few wipes, you realize the stain is getting larger and more noticeable. Now in your mind, everyone can surely see that you’re dirty. You're left feeling self cautious and feeling regretful that you wore what you wore and ate what you ate. Or maybe you could have wiped it differently or left the original stain alone and not created a bigger mess.
Well, that’s exactly how I feel when I think about reconnecting with someone I chose to walk away from.
Every time I try to distance myself from someone who has wronged me, I find myself still curious about their lives. Checking their socials, wondering what they’re up to, caring more than I should. Even though I made the choice to cut them off, I’ll catch myself thinking, "How’s [___] doing?" Then, the memories come rushing back, and suddenly I’m questioning everything:
- Was it really that bad?
- Could we have worked it out?
- Did I overreact?
I had previously prayed for God to remove the person out of my life, but then I’d catch myself asking God to fix what’s broken and bring them back. And before I’ve even waited for a reply, I’m already hitting “send message.”
The first convo feels good. We talk, we laugh, apologies are made, and it seems like maybe… just maybe, we can move forward. But rebuilding a relationship after damage isn’t easy. It’s even harder when you weren’t the problem, but you’re the one who reached out.
Some people will own their mistakes, understand where you’re coming from, and make real changes if they value you. Others? Not so much. Some don’t feel the need to grow because, truthfully, you keep coming back regardless. Then there are the ones who say all the right things, admit where they went wrong, but end up doing the exact same thing the next chance they get.
From my experience, things usually went back to how they were, or worse. And now, I had a role in the chaos too. I couldn’t let go of the way I was treated, so even small things would set me off. The moment I reached out, I became part of the problem. How could I complain about someone I kept choosing to let back in?
Last week, I missed them. Today, I’m praying that God removes them again. By the time I couldn’t take it anymore, I was drowning in all those same old emotions, plus a few new ones. I wasted so much time, energy, and peace, only to feel even smaller, more anxious, more unsure. That’s when I started to truly realize my worth. I didn’t have to accept just anything from anyone. Once I understood that I couldn’t fix people or situations, it got a whole lot easier to move on and stay gone.
You can’t force growth. You can’t sacrifice your peace just to keep someone in your life. You only have control over you. So start holding yourself accountable. Seeing potential in someone is beautiful, but it’s not your job to carry the weight for both of you. You can only do your part and set your boundaries. It’s up to them to meet you there, if they want to.
Walking away isn’t always easy. The urge to reach out, the loneliness, the feeling like things are unfinished… it can get overwhelming. But in those moments when you're about to press send, stop and ask yourself:
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How did things turn out last time?
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Why haven’t they reached out?
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What do you think will happen from this new interaction?
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What are your expectations?
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Is this really worth it?
If you do choose to reach out, be ready for whatever comes, good or bad. You don’t know where they’re at in life. It might not go how you hoped. But here’s what I believe: God always gives us exactly who and what we need, even when it’s not what we pictured.
So build new relationships with people who don’t need fixing.
Let peace be your closure.
Trust that if something’s truly meant for you, God will handle the timing. Until then, protect your peace, honor your growth and sometimes, just leave “well enough” alone.